Unwanted
by Princess Iria
Summary: Suikoden III Completed A story about love and rejection. The dark haired Zexen has fallen for one of his peers...but unfortunately the object of his affection has someone else in mind. THIS STORY HAS SHONENAI. Please don't read if you don't like it.
1. Night Disaster

Note: This is revised.  After writing this I decided to wander around the Suikoden III castle again.  So maybe it's better now.  If you didn't read the warning before clicking on this story, well here it is again. This is **shonen-ai fiction. Please leave if you do not like this. Anyway, all characters and other parts of the game are owned by Konami. I'd like to own Percival, though…**

Part 1 - Night Disaster

It probably was the biggest mistake of my life.

Oh, I see that I'm not alone.  You don't even know who I am, yet you seem interested.  Well why don't I give you some hints.  Let's put a depressed man, unrequited love, rejection, liquor, and another man together.  Add in the fact that the other man is in love with the first man who is in love with a woman.  Have the idea?  It's not a bright picture of eternal happiness or anything.

So now you're wondering how I am involved.  I'm one of the two men.  If you remember what I have said earlier, it should be easy for you to figure out who I am.

So why did I do that, you're asking?  Well let me explain in more detail.  Make yourself comfortable because it's more than a few paragraphs.  I'll just start with the beginning of the day, a day that I remember the details of too well…

*****

"Hey wake up Percival!  You can't sleep in when you're supposed to accompany Lady Chris to Vinay del Zexay, you know.  How are you going to compete with Borus if you're like this?" said Leo as he shook me awake.  So much for not revealing my name.  I yawned, stretching out my arms.

"I don't want Chris," I murmured to myself.  Leo looked at me with a puzzled expression. Hoping that he didn't hear those words, I flashed him a smile.  "I'm a bit tired, I guess," I added.

Not really satisfied with the response (I could tell by the frown across his lips), Leo just waited impatiently as I brushed my clothes down and proceeded to look for a shirt to wear.  Seeing that I did not intend to return to bed, Leo left, shouting that he was going to meet me in the dining room.  With him gone, I sat back on the bed and sighed.

"I dreamed about him last night again.  Why can't these feelings just go away?  Why can't I fall for Chris like everyone else?" I asked myself.  Frustrated that there were no answers, I tore my nightclothes off until I was just in my underwear.  "I'm a man!  All parts of me are male.  So why…"

Someone knocked on my door.  "Percival!  Hurry up so we can leave as soon as possible!" yelled Borus from the door.  I guess he didn't hear me grunt in response because he started to turn the doorknob.

"Don't come in," I said loudly, hopefully penetrating through the door as I was rushing to put on some clothes.  "I'm still changing in here."  The doorknob stopped turning.  I breathed in relief.  It sure would have been embarrassing to have had him seen me almost naked.  He was the guy I was in love with.  Wait, I did not just say that.  I think it is better classified as "infatuation".  My mother would laugh at me, knowing how I was known to "flirt with women" and find out that I was kept awake at night thinking of a "man". 

Anyway, I finished changing and headed to the dining room where Leo was still stuffing his face.  Borus was sitting next to him with a dazed look on his face.  Roland just watched Leo, and Salome was not present.  "You're pretty late," Roland commented as I slid into my chair with breakfast arranged neatly on my plate.  "He's already wolfed down three plates."

I just smiled and dug into my food with my fork.  I wasn't really hungry, (acting like a teenager with a crush) but I pretended to be so, knowing that they'd think something was wrong if I wasn't eating.  I've done it for years anyway, and they haven't noticed yet.  I finished just when Leo decided he was satisfied, and we set our forks down at the same time.  "Wow, you two are synchronized today," muttered Roland as he stood up to prepare his steed.  It was awkwardly silent afterwards as I just looked at Leo and Borus, who were looking at me strangely.

"Something wrong, Percival?" said Leo.  "You haven't been saying much."  I shook my head and smiled.

"No, I'm just a bit tired," I said for the second time.  Of course I was tired, when it was so blatantly obvious that the person I was attracted to was thinking about one person only, and that person wasn't me.  I bet he didn't even notice that I wasn't teasing or joking like I usually am.

Borus stood up and went to retrieve his horse.  Leo and I followed after him.  After we were all set, we waited for Chris to show up.

She finally did, looking very tired, though her clothes were neat and her hair was pinned up as usual.  Borus looked at her with concern when he saw her face.

"Are you all right, my Lady?" he asked.  "Is something worrying you?"  Well if you asked me that same question, I would have been happy.  Meanwhile she just shook her head.

"I'm fine.  I'm just a bit tired, that's all," she replied, yawning.  "Don't worry about it."

"Maybe she was with a special someone," I joked, knowing that would blow Borus up.  He looked angrily toward me, and Chris blushed, telling me to cut out the joking.

Then it was suddenly silent.  Suddenly Leo had a revelation or something, because his face lit up in understanding and he said loudly, "I got it!"

"What?" exclaimed Borus a bit defensively.  Leo just continued, ignoring him.

"Both Chris and Percival have said that they were tired today," Leo stated.  He smirked.  "Maybe…"

"You didn't, did you," Borus said to me, interrupting Leo's sentence.  I just looked at him calmly and didn't say anything.

"Of course not.  Let's get going now," said Chris brusquely, promptly ending the conversation.

Borus glared at me the whole time.  It was fun seeing Borus all flushed like that, though I wish he was jealous over me.  Not over Chris, who would never see him the way he wanted her too.

It was a very uneventful ride through the forest.  The monsters were a piece of cake.  After all, we won that war against that crazy mage and his gated monsters.  I don't know where they came from, but they were hell compared to these critters.

Everyone was daydreaming practically except Leo.  He looked at us with weird expressions, which I bet I was the only one who noticed.  It was strange to see even Chris not focused on her duties.  She looked like she was dreaming about someone.  Who was it?  It wasn't Borus, or Salome, right?  Now that I think about it, she had been kind of dreamy ever since she departed the castle.  I wonder who she found there.

I don't know, but knowing that Chris seemed to have every single knight in love with her made me a bit jealous.  She was so oblivious to it too.  I wish I didn't have to sit with the other knights and listen to them comment about how beautiful and wonderful she is.  I mean I like her as a friend, almost like a brother.  I pretend to like her as more to piss Borus off most of the time.  Though what bothers me was that he couldn't see pass my façade, because of his blinded love…

So I've drifted off topic once again.  Well we reached Vinay del Zexay and waited outside the Council Hall for the councilors to meet with us.  They sure took their time.  It was rather uneventful until I saw Borus approach Chris.  It looked like he was about to ask her something, but as soon as he opened his mouth, the guard returned to tell us that the councilors were ready.

Meetings like these were always boring.  I wonder how anyone could stand it.  To summarize, the Council basically wanted to recognize us for protecting Zexen even though it wasn't with the Council's approval.  Something like that.  We all received medals too.  Not interesting at all.  After it was over, Borus pulled Chris aside and proceeded to ask her the question he wanted to before.  Trying not to look suspicious, I stood a distance away and eavesdropped.

"So, um, my Lady, uh, are you free to have some tea perhaps?  With me?" he asked nervously.  Chris looked sorry as she declined his offer.

"Sorry, but I am very busy.  Maybe some other time," she replied politely.  With that, she took off in the direction of her residence.

Borus looked visibly crushed.  Pretending that I didn't hear the conversation, I walked up to Borus and said, "What are you still doing here?  Let's go to the inn to get some rest."  Borus just nodded passively and followed me back to through the busy streets of Vinay del Zexay to the inn past the market.  When we finally reached the room, I immediately plopped on the bed and replied, "Kind of hard."

"Yeah," he said, not really looking at me.  He combed his hair with his fingers as I stretched my neck.  Taking off my shoes, I lay on the bed despite having armor on.

We were silent for a while and I eventually fell asleep.  Then Leo barged in.  "Hey!" he greeted, shaking me once again.  "Time to eat!" he said.  Seeing our lack of enthusiasm, he added, "I'll see you downstairs, okay?"

I looked towards Borus, who was staring off again.  Oh well.  I headed down to have my dinner, joining Roland, Leo, Salome, and Louis at one of the tables.  "Where's Borus?" asked Leo when I sat down next to him.

"I don't know what's going on with him," I said, lying.  Of course I knew he was depressed over Chris rejecting his offer, but I wouldn't reveal that I had eavesdropped over his conversation.  It wasn't my business in the first place.

Leo then joked about how Roland saw Nei once again and began blushing when she ran up to greet him.  I joined in on the laughter.  Roland was quite embarrassed as we roared so loudly that others looked at us.  He probably could have passed for a tomato with that color of his.  Well after Roland, Salome, and Louis excused themselves, I found myself looking Leo straight in the eye.  I must not have noticed that he had moved his seat.  Suddenly he put his hand on my shoulder.

"Thinking about something?" he asked.  I nodded.  "Do you want to tell me anything?" he then said.

I shook my head.  "Well alright," he said, getting up from his seat.  "Don't think so much.  It's not like you."  He smiled as he went up the stairs.  Just as he disappeared from my view, Borus appeared.  I smiled at him as he walked towards me, sitting across from me.

"I'm late, aren't I?  Well you can leave if you want to," he said, poking at his food.

"It's fine," I replied, smiling.  Just as the waiter came by I asked him, "Do you want a beer?"

As he nodded, I signaled to the waiter.  Waiting for the drinks to come, I decided that I would confront him about his daydreaming.  "You know, Borus," I began.  He looked up at me with food in his mouth.  "You've been dreaming quite a lot these days.  Is there anything I could do to help?"

He stayed silent and the silence was only interrupted when the waiter came by with our drinks.  Taking a sip of my beer I said, "You have to confess sometime.  Or then just give up your pursuit.  You can't be like this forever."

He swallowed his food before he answered, "I just can't.  I guess I am…well have you confessed?"  I looked at him strangely after he said the last part.  "You like Chris, right?"

I paused, taking a breath before I replied, "Not the way you do."  He looked at me in shock.

"Then when you…" he began saying, but I interrupted him.

"She's like my best friend.  I only keep flirting with her because it makes you flush.  I was trying to get you to confess, you know," I said.  The last part wasn't actually true.  I was trying to get him to give up on her, seeing that she did not return his affections at all, but I wasn't going to reveal that.

"So do you think she likes me like that?" he then inquired.  Oh no…I didn't want him to ask me that.  I didn't want to lie, but I was pretty sure that she didn't like him the way he wanted her to.  I tried to think of a response while he stared at me, pleading for an answer.

He came to his conclusion, though, before I could speak.  "She doesn't.  After all these years that I have loved her, she doesn't see me.  She doesn't love me.  No one loves me…"  He kept rambling, each statement getting more depressing.  I looked at the bartender and motioned at the drink Borus was drinking from.  He raised his hands up like he didn't know what was going on.

I couldn't stand hearing Borus put himself down.  This is when I made my mistake.  I walked over to his side and touched his cheek lightly with my finger.  He looked so perfect just then, and almost seemed to beg for my touch.  Cupping his face, I drew his shocked face towards mine and brought my lips onto his.  After a few seconds I withdrew, keeping my hands on his face and staring into his eyes.

"I love you.  I have for a while.  I want to help you through this," I said.  I released my hold on his face and he looked down on his food, processing what just happened.  Suddenly he looked pretty angry.

"Don't play with me!  I love Chris!  I'll never love you!" he hissed at me, wiping his lips with his hand.  "How dare you say that you love me?"  With that, he turned away from me, gulping the last of his drink.

I had no answer.  I don't think he was drunk, but I think the alcohol was making him more vocal.  I sat there as he dug into his food, stabbing at it with unrelenting energy.

"I hate you.  You embarrass me in front of Chris and then kiss me and then say you want to help me," he continues in an icy tone.  I dared to walk towards him, to touch his shoulder, but he pushes me away.  "Leave.  I don't want to see you anymore."

I was angry myself for him not believing me, but I knew I should not have been.  I was the one who confessed to him right after he reveals his loneliness.  I should have expected some disbelief.  At the same time I wished I could undo the whole conversation.  A fragile friendship has just shattered, and all I could do was hope that the pieces could be collected and melted together some time from now.  Trying not to enrage him anymore, I just stood up silently and left, taking a glance backward.  He was staring at me with cold eyes, making sure that I was completely out of sight.  Without another second, I exited up the stairs and gathered my belongings.

It was time to see Chris.  I knew she would not like this sudden departure, but it was best that he and I cool down for a while.  I was going to tell her that I wouldn't be back for a while.  Family emergency, I would say, though I would be lying.  I was going to get away from Zexen territory for a while.  I did not want to see anyone I knew or who could take pity on me.

I certainly did not want to face him for a while, his eyes flashing in anger, his mouth shouting hateful phrases at me.  It would probably be better for me anyway.  I was unwanted, and I just had to accept it for once.

*****

So here I am now, past the Karayan Villages and off in Duck Village.  Maybe I'll go through the Grasslands for a while longer.  I think a few months without him might allow me to let this pain go away.

I stare at the windowless wall of my room before deciding to head to bed.  Before I fall asleep, I wish I had said goodbye to Leo and the others.  Well I do plan on returning to my post sometime, but I just…don't know.  I can't just leave the only job I've ever had in my life and think I won't miss it, especially the company of the other knights.  I just hope that they will just understand…


	2. Caleria and Rumors

Note: This is the second part of a three-part story.  Other Suikoden III characters are introduced in this chapter.  Please watch out for characters being out of character (especially Percival), a not so interesting plot, and some **shonen-ai references.  Please also remember that I do not own Suikoden III or the characters, or else there would be accurate depictions of them in this story.**

Part 2: Caleria and Rumors

I have traveled all the way through the Grasslands in a few weeks, traveling through plains and forests.  I detoured all the way to Chisa Village, where I felt almost at home with the fields and animals.  It was almost like Iksay, but greener.  After a week there I left and found myself wandering towards Harmonia.  I guess some part of me wanted to be even farther from him then I was now.  Plus I was also finding the lifestyle in this other place a bit interesting.  I was heading up the mountain pass towards Caleria when I suddenly encountered one of those treasure rich monsters.

"Damn it!  Just what I needed now," I shouted as it took notice of me, hurling a stream of wind towards me.  I ducked as the gust passed over my head.  I figured running was my best option, since I was a one-person party.  Just when I almost escaped through the middle, the other head spouted a stream of fire in front of me.  It was three against one, well counting the heads as separate persons.  I figured I would use my rune later to heal me as I rushed towards the eastern edge.  Suddenly I heard noises and saw a bunch of people coming towards me.  It was Geddoe and his Southern Frontier Defense Force.  I was saved.  With weapons in hand, they passed me and took on the treasure monster.  I decided to watch them fight, since I hadn't had much time to watch them before.

They were really impressive, living up to their mercenary status.  One in particular, a blonde haired, blue-eyed bowman, caught my eye.  He had the gentlest features ever on a man.  He was quiet but handled the bow gun with expert hands.  I watch as his arrow sailed smoothly into its target.  Another Karayan girl was also shooting arrows.  Ace, Joker, Queen, and Geddoe attacked the shell with clean-cut moves.  After the monster was defeated, the group collected the treasure and distributed rare armor items to different members of the party.  One of them noticed and recognized me despite not wearing my armor, and soon I was approached by Ace.

"Hey there.  You're Percival, right?  What are you doing in the mountain pass all by yourself?  You don't have some kind of job?" asked Ace.

I just smiled.  "Thanks for killing that monster," I said first.  "I'm not on duty right now so I'm traveling and was headed to Caleria," I said to answer his questions.

"To Caleria?  I guess we can accompany you back there.  Business is kind of slow right now for mercenary work.  We were just heading out to train right now, since we haven't moved around like this in a while," said Ace.

"How much?" I asked.  They were mercenaries, so I expected to pay them some money.

"Don't worry about it.  Just buy us a round of drinks at the inn and we'll be find with that," Ace replied.  He deliberately turned his head to look at Joker, who glared back.

I guess everyone agreed because we started heading east towards Caleria.  I kept glancing over at the blonde-haired man who was walking next to the Karayan girl.  Ace and Joker were arguing in front as Queen shook her head and Geddoe walked silently by her.  I kept to the back, thinking about how I was missing the company of Leo, who was always there to keep moral high.  He was my best friend.  Actually I missed the company of our six-man knight party, with Louis as support.  I wonder how they're faring without me?

We eventually walk out from the mountain pass and tumble into the entrance of Caleria.  The first thing that reminds me that I was in a foreign land was the architecture.  It was much more colorful here then in Brass Castle or Iksay.  Then there were the brown-skinned merchants selling the strangest things, their children running around in their white clothes.  As the sun's rays shone upon us once again, I realized just how uncomfortable it was to wear so many layers of clothing.  Luckily I don't have those Zexen metal armor plates on.  To think a summer in Zexen was hot…this place was like being placed in a fire.  My clothes are probably the only reason why I haven't burned like pork skin in the oven.

"Hey you!  Traveler from far lands," a man shouts.  I realize that the man is referring to me.  I forgot for a second that the people here know Geddoe's company so they wouldn't be "strangers".  I decide to go over there even though he was probably trying to sell me some useless items.  Though first I dropped some coins into Ace's hand so he could at least buy drinks for the company until I joined them.

"You looked lonely out there.  Having love troubles?" he asked me as I walked right up to his stand.

"How did you guess?" I wondered, mumbling it out loud.  It wasn't that obvious, was it?  I didn't want everyone to know about my troubles.

"My good eye sees that yours are wandering," he replied, pointing to his right eye.  "You're thinking of some other place, some dream."  He gave me a huge grin, which scared me.  It looked as if he won the lottery and I just bet all my money and lost.  I had no smart reply for him, and I didn't want to look like a blubbering fool, telling him how smart he was.  He probably just guessed right.  I figure, perhaps the presence of a lone Zexen in a place like Caleria could somehow signal this depression of mine.

"Well I have the right thing for you," he said, pulling out a vial.  "This is a love potion.  Give it to someone and they will surely fall for you in seconds."

I look at him, wanting to laugh.  How stupid could this guy be?  A stupid vial could never take care of my problems.  Why would I want someone to fall for me so quickly?  A relationship based on a liquid could never work out.  It was probably a fake; besides, a liquid like that was sure to be disposed of someday through the waste system.

"Don't you want to try it?  This is the only place where you can get it," he urged, annoyed that I wasn't reaching into my pocket and spilling coins into his hands.

"No thanks," I replied politely.  "I believe you," I said, trying to appease him, "but I think I'll work on refining my own charms."  I smiled at him, the grin so wide I could barely control it.

"Please take it anyway.  I'll give it to you for free," he begged.  "A vial, worth a thousand potch or more, given to you for free."

I politely shake my head.  "I don't want to take any charity," I replied.  I begin to turn away in the direction of the inn when he put his hand on my arm, slipping the vial into my hand before scampering away so I could not return it to him.  I sighed.  Well I guess he wanted me to keep the vial or something.  I walked toward the inn without noticing anything around me.  Maybe it's poison.  He might want me to take it so he can find me unconscious and rob me.

I entered the inn after somehow placing the vial into my pocket.  I smiled as I saw the rowdy bunch in the far corner of the inn.  It looked like both Ace and Joker were drunk, Queen shaking her head at them and Geddoe as silent as usual.  At another table sat the two non-drinkers, the Karayan girl and the blonde-haired man.  By the looks of it, the girl had more than one glass of "soda" while the other man was still on his first.

I decided to sit next to Queen.  It was no point sitting between two drunk men who were yelling at each other, and Geddoe wasn't a person you said much to.  I didn't want to be sitting next to a teenager, or at least she looked only about 15, and the man seemed silent like Geddoe too.

"So how was the visit with the Calerian merchant?" she asked as I ordered a glass of beer.

"Pointless," I laughed.  "What should I have expected?" I asked.

"Did he convince you to buy any exotic items?" she said, emphasizing the word "exotic".

"Well I managed to 'earn' a free 'love potion'," I said, laughing.

"They don't work.  Trust me," she replied.  "Not to say that I have tried it…"  She probably was lying about that, seeing how downcast she looked.  I wasn't the best at reading other people's minds, so I didn't pursue the subject further.  Instead I decided to cheer her up.

I patted her back.  "You're still as attractive as a flowering youth but you're much more beautiful," I said genuinely with a smile.

"You're not flirting with me, are you?" she asked with a glint in her eye, definitely using an excuse to change the mood.

I winked playfully.  "Am I?" I responded.  Then I said seriously, "You wouldn't be someone I'd go for, but there should be plenty of others out there."

"Well I haven't found one yet," she replied, sighing.  Then she smirked, "He'd probably be afraid that I'd beat him up if he did anything bad."

"I guess so," I mused.  With that strength of hers she'd be one hell of an opponent.  "Though I think I could take you on," I taunted, setting up a challenge.

"Do you want to duel?" she responds seriously.  I nod my head.

"Later," I said.  "It would be great since I haven't dueled someone in a while."  I take a break from conversation to sip more of my beer.  I look over to see that Geddoe has left his seat while we had talked.  Ace and Joker seemed to still find something to argue about and the other two were still sitting at the other table.  The Karayan girl seemed to have a one-sided conversation with the taciturn blonde companion.  I just seemed to stare at his slim figure, his soft-looking blonde locks.  He seemed adorable, for lack of a better word.  Something made me want to just keep watching him.  I had the sudden urge to put my hands in his hair, on his skin, just to touch it and feel its smoothness.  Borus wasn't even in my thoughts at the time.

"So what are the names of those two?" I asked so I could cover up the fact that I had been staring at the attractive blonde man.

"The girl is Aila and the guy is Jacques," Queen said.  "Jacques was hired by request of Geddoe and Aila just joined, though she was with us most of the time after the Karayan Village was burned.  Anything else?"

I thought for a moment.  "Is Jacques always this quiet?" I asked her.  She nodded.

"I haven't been able to open him up at all.  Aila broke through a bit, though she still does most of the talking," Queen replied.  "Are you interested in him or something?"

"Yeah," I said.  The previous statement could be taken in two different ways, and I was interested in him in both relationship and person-wise.

"Well you should try talking to him," she suggested.  "Later tonight he'll probably be free."  She stood up.  "Well I think I need to leave.  I can't stand hearing them shout at each other for too long."

I agreed with her, finishing my glass and exiting along with her.  "I'm just going to walk around the town.  You should probably go around and explore," Queen said when we were outside.  She gave me a slight wave before heading north.  I followed her for a while before diverting towards some of the stands.  It was quite interesting the items they were selling, but more interesting were the rumors that were spreading.

"I heard that the Zexen Knights are looking for one of their main knights.  Supposedly he's the dark-haired knight, the knight of gale or something," one stand owner told me.

"Really?" I said, surprised.  Not at the fact that I was missing, but the fact that they were looking for me.  Didn't I tell them that I had a family emergency?  Well I never visited home, so if they talked to my family, they would have known…  "Do you know anything else?" I asked him.

He blabbered on about some other pointless gossip until he surprised with some more news.  "Supposedly the Silver Maiden is getting married.  No one really knows, but it's supposed to be some blond-haired man," he said.  He started to talk some more, and even began repeating himself.

"Thank you for the information," I said politely, interrupting his story.  "It really helped."  Now I know why they would look for me.  They probably wanted me to show up for the wedding.  I hope they haven't held the ceremony yet, because I want to attend it.  Though another piece of information left me puzzled.  A blond-haired man she was marrying?  It couldn't be Borus, could it?  I was almost certain that she was not interested him in any romantic sense.

I decided to wander around some more before retiring at the inn for the night.  I was looking around for Queen when I bumped into Jacques.  For once he was alone, and I seized the opportunity to talk to him privately.

"Hello, my name is Percival," I greeted with a smile.

"Jacques," he mumbled in reply.

"Well I don't know you so well so maybe we could sit down and talk?" I suggested, looking at his blue eyes.  They seemed to match his innocent features quite well, and only made him better in my mind.

I ordered for him a soda but nothing for myself.  I somehow started talking to him about my companions in Zexen.  He seemed expressionless as I told him about our weird quirks, our daily life, and our jokes.

I stopped talking, waiting for him to say anything.  With his soft voice he asked, "Why aren't you with them now?"

"Oh, just some awkward things occurred," I said, obviously trying not to tell him what happened that one night.  Though I couldn't avoid how his eyes just stared at me and I began to tell him, in little pieces, what happened that night.  As I told him, I thought to myself, I really did need someone to just listen to me.  After I finished inundating him with useless information, he neither condemned my love for another man nor comforted me in my misfortune.

It was pretty late outside, and he suddenly yawned.  I decided that instead of allowing an attraction to manifest into more like I had with Borus, I would just ask him right now what he thought of me.  I began slowly.

"I know I just met you and I'll be leaving tomorrow, but I think I like you a great deal.  I think I may be attracted to you in that way, like I was to Borus.  Please tell me if you'd be open to a relationship of that sense," I said in earnest.

He stared at me before answering in his soft voice.  "I'm sorry," he replied.  My face immediately fell.  "I don't think I like men that way."

After I left him there at the table, I trudged up the stairs in a bit of a depression.  I had just been rejected again.  Though I felt better in a way.  It wasn't anything like the hateful words that Borus aimed at me after I had kissed him.  Suddenly I had doubted any attraction to Jacques at all.

That night I went to sleep and had a dream.  It was more of a nightmare.  I saw Borus and Chris being married at Brass Castle.  I saw him lean down and gently kiss her as the crowd cheered.  I could also see myself running away, outside of the castle and off into the woods with tears threatening to fall.  I woke up in the middle of the night and found my pillow wet.  I guess even after a month or so away from him, I still can't forget my love for him.  I just have to hope that he can change his mind, that I can convince him not to marry Chris.

Of course that's the person she is marrying.  Who else would be the blonde-haired man that is to marry her?

*****

"Sorry for the one-day stay, but I need you to escort me across the mountain pass today," I said to the Southern Defense Force.  Geddoe seemed to be the only one truly awake as the others yawned or looked dazed.  "And sorry Queen about the duel.  Maybe someday we can actually have one," I added.

I insisted on paying them this time for the trip to the other side of the pass this time.  As we neared the end, I waved good-bye and they waved as well.  Now I was to quickly rush back to Brass Castle, hopefully catch the joining of Chris and Borus, and figure out a way to move on to someone else.

I put my hands in my pocket and find to my surprise that something is in it.  I remember that I had left that love potion in my pocket.  I found that I couldn't seem to throw it away.

Maybe I'm holding onto some false hope of a romantic love, of a happy ending for me.  It's not like I expected to be a prince from a fairy tale, but maybe I still think I could pull off being a fairy tale knight.

Maybe I should just give up trying to figure out everything and go with whatever happens.


	3. The Truth

Note: The last part of the fic is finished.  It's, unfortunately for some of you, a somewhat happy ending.  The characters are still out of character if you think they don't act like this.  Obviously this is **shonen-ai as the warning from the other two parts say and the game is owned by Konami.  Please don't read this if you don't want to read about two males kissing!**

Part 3: The Truth

Trying to travel a distance in a few days that may take a week is no easy task, especially on foot.  It was times like these when I missed having a steed, but at the same time I was moving faster than I have in days.  It actually felt nice to stretch out my legs and run some miles.  Maybe I should incorporate a long run into my daily training routine once I return to Brass Castle.  Training…just thinking about that makes me realize how little I've done this past month.  I hope Borus doesn't notice how lazy I've become without him around to challenge.  Did I just mention Borus?  Well Borus might be busy with the upcoming wedding, so…

So I probably should tell you where I am.  I am in the Plain of Amur, somewhat past Karaya Village, where I stayed last night.  Hugo smiled as I showed my face once again in the village that we burned down a year ago.  He sure grew up fast in one year, in that war.  We all grow too old too fast anyway.

"I guess you needed a month in the Grasslands to want to go home.  It's not as good as going into Zexen.  One second surrounded by ironheads and I want to go home as soon as I can," Hugo joked as I sat down on one of the expertly weaved mats that covered the hard floor of the hut.  Though decorative, it wasn't much of a cushion.  Hugo wondered how I could stand small spaces; he said that was uncomfortable.  I'd have to say that sitting on the ground was more uncomfortable.

"I don't want to imply that you are a child," I said, watching him frown, "but the problem isn't something you could understand.  It hasn't been cured yet."  I realized that the reason I returned was based solely on a rumor of Chris's marriage, and I really hadn't spent much time investigating if it was actually true. 

"So why are you back then?" he asked with childish boldness.  I thought to myself, if I had been like that with my feelings about Borus, then I wouldn't have had so much trouble.

"Um, I heard that Chris was having her wedding soon.  Do you know anything about it?" I said, not really answering his question.  He could probably figure that I returned on rumor of her wedding from that statement.

"Wedding?  Chris?  Not a thing," Hugo said, shaking his head.  "Chris would have told me.  We're good friends."  As he sat there trying to recall if she mentioned a wedding to him, I berated myself for acting on my impulses once again.  I should have known better than to trust a Calerian, especially a merchant.

"Well maybe she's not going to have one," I said, admitting my possible error.  "Anyway, I probably have a lot of work to do after a month's absence.  Plus I am a bit out of training right now."

"Oh really?" said Hugo, a bit surprised I presumed.  "I haven't been out much either because Mother wants me inside, listening to chiefs' talk."  He frowned.  "I really don't see the point of all that talking.  For all that talk they don't seem to do very much."

I smiled at the kid's annoyance.  It reminded me of how I was like as a teen (actually of how I am now) and I knew exactly how it felt.  "Well she's preparing you to be a chief," I said, as if defending her.  "When you're chief…"

"I'd make them speak to me clearly.  No weird stuff," Hugo said, emphasizing the word "weird".  I laughed.  Hugo suddenly decided he did not want to sit anymore and stood up to stretch.   "Since I have the evening off," he suddenly said, "we can have our friendly duel now."  I blinked at the randomness of the statement.

"Now?" I said, surprised.  "Aren't you supposed to be a bit more hospitable?  You're supposed to allow the guests to relax for the evening."

"Oh well," Hugo replied after he realized what I was referring to.  "I don't have to treat ironheads nicely," he joked.  "They're so mean, rude…"

I mocked anger as I responded.  "Do you want to take this outside?" I asked.

"Sure," he smiled.  "Let's see who's most out of shape."

I went along with his request.  It was actually a great idea, because for once I wasn't thinking about Borus, Chris, or anything else but my blade and my opponent.  It was quite enjoyable, taunting the teen and watching him unleash a fury of attacks while I avoided his knife.  At first I noticed the difference in size between Hugo and my usual opponents, but it didn't seem to matter.  The boy was fast on his feet, and good at pivoting.  Unfortunately I was not at the level at the same level as the boy and in 15 minutes he had my throat under the tip of his knife.

"That was fun," Hugo said, removing his knife and sheathing it.  "At least I can still beat somebody."

"I should never trust you when you say you are out of shape," I said as I huffed.  "You're not even breaking a sweat."

"Well I was the Flame Champion.  I better be good," he said, hitting his chest with his fist.  "Next time you visit we can rematch.  Then you can redeem yourself."

"Next time I'll probably lose in less time," I responded.  "Well I'm really hungry," I said as my stomach growled.  "Let's go in to eat."

You know what happened next.  I obviously had my supper, went to bed, rose up early, and said farewell to Hugo.  He waved to me as I left the village.

"I hope you enjoyed your stay.  Please come back again," he said.  I smiled.

"You sound like an innkeeper," I joked.  He started laughing.  It was something pleasant to think about before I returned to Brass Castle.  As I stretched out my legs for another long run, I didn't notice the figure approaching me from the opposite direction.  I must have completely missed the person, because suddenly he was right in front of me.  Yes, a man with blonde hair and a beautiful face was right in front of me, and I barely missed colliding with him.

"I can't believe that you lied to Chris!  For any reason!" Borus exclaimed as he recognized the person in front of him.  Well, it wasn't the first thing I expected to hear from Borus, but it did confirm one of the Calerian rumors.

"Let me explain," I protested.  He looked like he was seething from head to toe.  I hoped that he didn't strangle me.  "But after we go back to Brass Castle.  I need to talk to Chris alone."  I hoped he still trusted me to have a reason for lying.

Borus stared at me for a few seconds before formulating a response.  "Okay, Percival.  This is probably your only break," he said.  "Next time…"

"I won't do this again, Borus.  Thanks for telling me anyway," I said politely, knowing what he was going to say.  I hoped I would not have to run away again.  Running away was an excuse for children, and I certainly did not resemble one.

It was quite a silent trip back, but I did not want to ask him if he remembered that night when he dismissed me so harshly and "never wanted to see me again".  Then maybe Chris made him search for me.  Borus seemed kind of dreamy-like, but in a depressed manner.  Was he dreading something?  Then it probably wasn't a wedding between him and Chris like I had assumed.  But what could be worse than the usual ignoring by Chris every single day?  Suddenly something popped into my head.  Maybe Chris found someone…

"Percival…uh…you're about to run into the castle wall," Borus said as I suddenly found myself only a few inches from the brick of Brass Castle.  It was quite strange for Borus to be a bit considerate towards me and prevent me from embarrassing myself.  Of course if Leo was here, he'd probably wait for me to smash myself against the wall and feel a bit dizzy before laughing at me.  The peculiarity of Borus's actions bothered me.  He seemed too formal, too polite with me.  I would find out the reason later, if I didn't run into any more walls.

Thankfully I did not, and I even managed to find my way to Chris's door without even trying.  Maybe I should admit that all I did was follow Borus's footsteps.  That didn't matter when I knocked Chris's door and her ever-so-formal voice invited me to enter.

"Hello Chris," I said simply before she walked up to me and embraced me.  It was not the typical gesture one would imagine Chris Lightfellow giving, but for some reason it felt right.  I returned the hug, noting how much I remembered her distinct scent, which was pleasant despite the "dirty" work that she did (by that I mean sweaty).  I mean, she smelled like a goddess compared to the rest of us.

"Percival," she murmured.  "We all missed you a lot."  She let me go only to motion for me to sit down.  "I think you need to talk.  What have you been doing for the last month?  And why were you gone for so long?"

I proceeded to answer her questions.  I intended to tell her everything anyway.  As I began my story from the very beginning (I thought it was more important to answer the second question before the first), she looked surprised when I revealed the true nature of my feelings towards Borus.  Though I should have expected that reaction, because she was just as oblivious as Borus was about others' thoughts.

"You've liked him for that long?" Chris said.  "But I thought…"

"You thought I was a ladies' man?" I interrupted, wanting to laugh for some reason.  "I do like women but Borus…"  I then hit a roadblock.  What really did I like about Borus?  What made him so different from any women, besides being male?

Chris, as if on cue, asked me that same question.  She also added, "You mocked him all the time."

"Well…" I began to reply.  "he's handsome, for one thing, but I think it's more how he has an unwavering devotion to those he cares about, and the lengths he'd go in order to repay someone he's indebted to…"

"But you always make him angry.  How could you imagine a relationship with someone you bicker with a lot?" Chris asked.  She would have never guessed my reaction, because I looked like I had won the lottery.

"That's it!" I said a bit loudly.  "Even though mocking him was a cover-up for my feelings, for some reason I enjoy seeing him flushed and angry.  He's just too serious."

Anyway, we moved on to my trip.  Chris asked if I went to Alma Kinan and I replied that I hadn't even thought about it.  Then she joked that I wouldn't find anyone there because they are all women, and I laughed.  I told her about going to Caleria and meeting up with Geddoe.  She brightened after learning that they were doing fine except for lack of business.  Then I told her the reason I was back.

"It was only a rumor, but I heard that you were going to marry some blonde-haired man.  Is there any basis to this rumor?" I asked.

She blushed, which I took as an affirmative response.  "Well, that was the reason why I was searching for you.  It was something that was only supposed to be kept within the Knights, but I guess someone leaked it.  But I'm not surprised if Nash wanted to stir up some trouble," she said.

"Nash?" I asked, surprised.  Sure he flirted with her, but wasn't he married or something?  He always said that he had a mistress.  He always seemed to piss her off as well.

Even though Chris didn't have a chance to tell me her story, I thought about how they could possibly be together.  If he always made her angry, maybe he was yet flattering in his comments.  Maybe he was the only one who could make her day interesting.  Suddenly I found myself comparing their relationship with Borus and me.  I smiled when I realized the similarities.  Maybe there was hope…

*****

Chris's wedding was small but wonderful.  I must admit, I had never been to any sort of wedding until now.  The strange part was seeing Chris in a beautiful white dress with flowers in her hair.  She looked absolutely stunning.  Chris had me deliver the message of her wedding to Nash last minute to Hugo, who she realized she forgot to invite.  Hugo and his mother came, dressed in Karayan clothes, but after the war, no one was offended.

I stood next to Leo and Borus in my armor, which was the cleanest it could be.  After the bride and groom kissed and other things happened, I'm sure you know what it is, I found myself sitting across from Leo at one of the tables.

"Hey man, a month without you was so boring!  Where did you go?" he asked me.  I started to tell him how I traveled to the Grasslands when he interrupted me and asked me the real reason why I left.

"Um…I don't know if you want to hear this," I said, hoping not to reveal this secret of mine to everyone.  I had to tell Chris, as my superior, but to Leo…though he is my best friend…

"Don't worry.  I'm not a harsh judge," he said, leaning over.  "So what's the secret?" he whispered.

For the third time I revealed my feelings for Borus.  As soon as I saw Leo's reassuring smile, I began to spill all the details, beginning with how long I've been attracted to him and what happened the night that I left.  Leo didn't seem to laugh at my reason for departing.  Maybe Leo is more romantic then I thought.

What was even more surprising was Leo's next statement.  "Percival, I think what you really need to do is to talk to him and explain everything," Leo said seriously.  I blinked.  Was that Leo giving romance advice?

"Is this the Leo I knew a month ago?" I said.  He nodded.

"Actually I started to think about relationships after you left so suddenly.  I saw Borus change from not so caring about your departure to really seeming lonely.  Then we were informed two weeks ago about Chris's wedding to Nash.  I couldn't understand why she was with him until I asked her myself," Leo replied.

"And?" I prodded.  "What did she say?"  I never did find an opportunity to ask Chris since I was so busy catching up on my work and training.  After the initial "shock", I hadn't even thought much about it.

"She said that she really enjoyed his company.  She liked his humor, his sharp tongue, and his kindness.  I don't know how he was kind, but that's what she said," Leo answered.

"Oh.  So how should I approach Borus?" I said, changing the subject back to my problem.  "I'm not even sure if he remembered that night so well, because he seemed a bit drunk."

"Just smile at him.  Tell him you have some important things to say.  Since you sound like your friendship has kind of been suspended for a while, it's not like you have much to lose," Leo said.  Once again he gave me an encouraging smile, and I found the courage to try my best.  Leo would probably make his wife very happy if he ever married, I mused.

I found Borus with a little bit of wine in his glass, watching the newly-weds from afar.  I smiled at him before asking him if I could sit at his table.  He nodded.

"Borus, I really need to talk to you," I said very seriously.  He turned his gaze away from the dancing couples and looked at me.

"Percival," he muttered, looking straight at me.  Suddenly I watched as some regret washed upon his face.  "I'm sorry for what I said that night."

I believed him, because he seemed to speak right from his heart.  I nodded and replied, "I also wanted to apologize for my actions.  Though I cannot say that I regret the kiss."

"I…I was confused then," Borus said hesitantly for some reason.  "Now I…"  He looked like he was blushing.  Could there possibly be a change in feelings?

"I still love you and I can't change that," I interrupted.  "Is that what you wanted to hear?"  Suddenly I felt something in my pocket, and after searching for it with my hand, I realized it was the love potion that I had never thrown away.

"Yes…yes that's what I wanted.  I…I think…" Borus stammered as he tried to find the words to express his thoughts.  I let go of the bottle, which dropped to the bottom of my pocket, but I did not even feel it land.  I took both my hands and put them around Borus's, smiling at him.

"Let's start tomorrow, okay?" I said with a smile.  Borus smiled back.  The radiance of his smile almost blinded me with its beauty, with its rarity and I treasured that moment.

"Okay," he said.  That one word was the beginning of our relationship.  There would be ups and downs and complications and whatever happened to a typical couple, but I was not deterred.

I at least had a start.  Maybe the spark would light up into a warm, burning fire.

Only time would tell me if I was unwanted yet again. 

Author's Note:

There are probably many discrepancies in my writing of this three-chapter fanfic.  I think I have already stated that my characters have been out of character, as you may believe.  I think it is especially true of Chris, Hugo, and Leo.  Leo is probably the most out of character.  I made him a best friend type of guy who is always there to support you, but I'm not so sure it's true in the game.  He also seems devoted and caring, and I decided to make him give the advice at the end because I just needed someone to tell Percival what to do.  Hugo was modeled sort of after myself, who as a teenager is quite random and sometimes acts like an adult and sometimes doesn't.  I might have made Chris too oblivious (It may show how jealous I am of her having all these men wanting her), but I tried to make her a somewhat soft, kind-hearted character.  I think that though she may have killed Lulu (which made me mad, even though I disliked Lulu a lot), she really redeemed herself with trying to save Yun.  I think I also made her a bit more light-hearted, but then she could have gotten that from Nash.

Nash…that probably brings up the biggest question.  Why did I put those two together?  It wasn't because I needed to pair Chris up with someone so Percival could get Borus, but that I truly think that Nash is the best match for Chris out of all the Suikoden III characters.  I really thought that Nash really made her day more interesting, made her sharp tongue really work, and just affected her in general.  I think they really enjoyed each other's company through all those missions.  I can understand a Borus/Chris coupling, because Borus openly shows his affection and devotion towards Chris, but I've never truly believed in a Percival/Chris relationship.  And I don't truly know why.  It's just that some reason I can only imagine the two as friends.  Even before I thought of putting Borus with Percival, I thought that Percival was just trying to make Borus feel angry or something and not really competing with him.  It's just my opinion.

But what about Nash's mistress?  To tell you the truth, I don't know anything about the mistress.  He mentions it, but you never know if he's lying or not.  I just hoped that he really didn't have one, or that the two didn't get along (if you noticed how conveniently I didn't explain how Chris and Nash got together).

Lastly I just want to say that I have no idea how to do a wedding scene because I have never been to a wedding myself.  That's why I basically cut it out from the plot (which I didn't even have planned).

All I want to say now is that I hope you enjoyed reading my story!


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